I puked a lego.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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