I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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