Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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