If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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