I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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