escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
