I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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