Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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