no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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