I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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