My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
