You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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