If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So much Jack, so little girl.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
