ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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