I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
