Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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