She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
