what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
