i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
