Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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