My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I look better un-naked...
high people should be assigned attendants
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
