Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
