he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
