Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
