I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
