So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
