I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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