i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Ketchup is God's man juice
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
