For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
