I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
