make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Farmville is her only friend.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
