just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I love having hate sex.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
