I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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