Just fell off a train. Bad.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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