i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
