I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
