whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You made out with two different species that night
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
