I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
