I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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