hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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