All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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