what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
