In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
