so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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