I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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