And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
