my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize