He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
