i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
