for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize