hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
