I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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