i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
