Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
