why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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