What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
