I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I look better un-naked...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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