If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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