I'm passing your future prison.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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