Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
