the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Randomize
